The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe by Joseph Fink

Author:Joseph Fink
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780062468659
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-08-04T04:00:00+00:00

LAUREN: It’s great to have YOU here. I know change is difficult, both for the talent and for the listeners, but our focus is always on good radio. And Cecil, you are the best at good radio.

CECIL: Thank you. Listeners, please know that I really do think things are looking up. I’m very excited about the new direction we’re under with Lauren.

LAUREN: Well, I can’t wait to be more involved. And I just love your show. I’ve loved every moment of it. I love your informative reports. I love your beautiful voice. I love the way you talk about the town. You clearly love your city, Cecil. It shows in your work. I even love your scientist boyfriend. What’s his name again? With his perfect hair, and teeth like a military cemetery? He’s always looking into the scientific mysteries of Night Vale.

He even “broke the story,” as you reporters might say, about the transdimensional oranges our farmers had developed. Well, that sure was a good thing he was looking into our oranges or we could have harmed a lot of people on our way to making a ton of money. So very much money. What’s a few lives? So much money. He’s a good scientist you have there. What’s his name again?

CECIL: Um . . . Carlos

LAUREN: Right. That’s right. Carlos. Okay. Good talking to you. Gotta go! Bye.

CECIL: Oh, okay. Well . . . thank you, Lauren. Good-bye.

And now a public service announcement from the Night Vale Marine Biologists Association: The ocean is full of things that would like to kill you, and other things that would ignore or not understand you and then eventually kill you because they do not have the same understanding or valuation of life and death as humans. There are still other things that you would probably kill simply because you think they are beautiful and you want to possess beautiful things because you believe that beauty and sentience are mutually exclusive. Never go to the ocean. It is a confounding place. It is full of death and strife and terror. We’re marine biologists, and we won’t even go to an ocean, so you know it’s bad, the PSA reads. Maybe just take a nap and think about clouds until they find your body. This has been a message from the Marine Biologists Association.

The Sheriff’s Secret Police have opened the hatch of the submarine from Nulogorsk. Onlookers describe a curious crack of pressure, as if peeling back the pop-top on a can of old soda, and a smell of something regurgitated. Wisps of steam were observed to rise from the open submarine. The Sheriff’s Secret Police drew their daggers and a Junior Secret Detective was encouraged to volunteer to be the first to explore the vessel. There was silence as she climbed through the hatch.

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